this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
