i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
