I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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