I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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