don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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