Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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