Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
