p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
