just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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