Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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