He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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