I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
