Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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