She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
