I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pants are for mortals
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