wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
