I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
