I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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