Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
