If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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