The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
