He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
