therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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