you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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