Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He did a backflip because drugs
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