Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
