if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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