i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You may now shotgun with the bride
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
