just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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