He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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