do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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