i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
