I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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