if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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