I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize