I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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