there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
