Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
