So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
