It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
