She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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