i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize