Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
