Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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