i already hear my dad disowning me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize