I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
