everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
