at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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