turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
