Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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