Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize