pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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