i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
