she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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