Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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