totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
