Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
