he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
