I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
only you would photoshop your dick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
