NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
