i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
