please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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