I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
