I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
