dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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