In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
