So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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